Monday, July 10, 2017

Dear Diary

Anyone else out there want to confess they kept a diary like me when they were younger?  I found those old diaries years ago in a box of my old stuff and tried to read some.  I repeat tried.  It was painful.  The melodramatic ups and downs of teenage-hood of who was being rude to who and what guy was looking especially good or bad that day.  I lasted 5 min.  Decided to burn those books.  They served their purpose I guess in the younger days of getting my thoughts and frustrations out but they certainly seem to have no purpose anymore.

Today's diary version looks a bit different.  Most nights, just after I have crawled into bed, I reflect on my day.  I have encouraged all my kids to do the same.  In your heads I say to them start with "Dear diary, today I ........"

I have grown to love this 2 min conversation with myself.  There is so much to gain and I am appreciative of how it has centered my thoughts and made me grow as a person.

Last night, this was my conversation with myself.

"Dear diary"
What a fantastic day today!  Warm breeze from the lake blowing through my window and a gentle early morning 1/2 hour rain to lull me back to sleep a bit longer.  No regrets that I wasn't on the trails somewhere running or biking, I am thankful to be up getting breakfast ready saying good morning to all the kids as they got up.  So much fun to sit on the dock all together eating our breakfast and shooting the breeze.  The lake was perfectly calm.  I am thankful we have a cabin.
Had a great swim then just soaking some sun.  Swim feels good after the gravel bike ride yesterday.  Legs feel good and that makes me happy.
Hard to not get too sad about the fact this is the last time our family of 6 will be together for awhile.  Precious moments.  I am so thankful for these times with the kids.  They are supposed to move on,  take life by the horns and find their paths.  I just miss them.
Said goodbye to some friends of ours from out of town, here visiting.  I had a blast last night at their cabin (invited for supper).  Friends like this, where you see each other 1 time a year and can pick up so easily where we left off- those are great friends.  I think the dull ache in my side today was from so much laughing last night.  Good pain.
And speaking of pain- today is the first day in a long time that I haven't had pain in my stomach.  My ongoing fight with the intestinal infection and now just this week, a bladder infection has made for constant pain and discomfort.  I am frustrated with my physical barriers, of being tired, of being in pain and most of all, of feeling I will not get past this and get better.  The weight mentally feels overwhelming.  But today, I feel so much lighter and happier mentally and physically.  Worried it will not be like this tomorrow but thankful to have a reprieve today.  Thank goodness I haven't also had my period this week:)
Reminded of how precious life is while visiting Terry's mom in the hospital this evening.  She is so weak and secretly, I can't imagine how she will ever be able to go home.  Home is such a safe place for all of us.  I have to think of things to do or bring her to keep her spirits up.  Also found out Terry's uncle was in emergency dealing with some difficulties after an accident he had a few weeks ago.  Internal bleeding is never good.  And on the congratulatory side, I marvel at another Aunt and Uncle and their celebration of 60 years together.  His health has been really poor for a few years and yet has persevered.
My list of things to do tomorrow runs through my head:
people to call
emails to send
things to do
kindness to share

My internal diary entry once again fills me with gratitude.  I am thankful that despite the fact things aren't always going the way I want them to go, I am undeniably blessed.  There are so many hurting people and the trials don't pick and choose only some.  I need to take care of business items, daily chores but more importantly, I am once again confirmed with the decision to love and take care of those around me.  Touch others with kindness, enjoy every moment and live fully no matter the circumstances.  I think ahead to the camping trip my husband and I are taking together in a week to celebrate our anniversary and I am filled with excitement with the adventures we are going to have.  The desire to live a life abundantly and overflowing is all my eyes can see.

I know having teenagers and young adults means they have their own ways and thoughts  and there is a good possibility they think their dear old mom has rocks in her head, but I hope they have the "dear diary" conversation with themselves and look at the day with gratitude and thankfulness and then choose to live the next day with purpose: to not waste time nor take it for granted.  

Remind me to sometime share with you my "food analogy for dating story" that is a popular eye roller among the kids around here.  

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